To be intimate with another human being…

Written by: Scott Plate
Date: May 24, 2021
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…means first being intimate with me. 

Being intimate with me means acknowledging – first – that I want me more than I want you. More than I want anything.

I failed in relationships because I tied my value to one of two things – me proving my worth to you, or you proving my worth to me.

Neither of these approaches yielded intimacy. Why? Because before worth could be established, one side or the other had to manipulate the value of the currency. Worth became a co-dependent proposition. A shell game.

Don’t get me wrong – many people excel at shell games. At some point, though, you risk losing track of where the ball is. What most people do then is go through the same patterns over and over, only faster.

For intimacy to work, I had to learn to want me more than I wanted you. When I wanted me first, I could be sure that whatever I had to offer you was real. 

Contrary to popular belief, wanting me - choosing me - is magnanimous. Self-interest has integrity. It is generous and kind. 

Choosing me includes you, standing with me, choosing you.

When I choose me, in my relationships I no longer give to get. I give to give because I know my worth, and I know you do too. 

That’s intimacy to me.

Self-advocacy in relationships is not a path or even a process. It’s an accumulation of guided experiences that gradually become where you’d rather be. 

If this is something you want, I can help. Schedule a discovery chat, or send me a direct message. I’ll get back to you.